Helping My Kids Deal with Divorce Part 2

Many times, during the separation and divorce process our Family Law Attorneys are asked, “What can I do to make this less traumatic for my child(ren)?”  At Boehmer Law, we recognize and understand that these changes affect the WHOLE family, especially the children.  Here are some helpful tips in helping your children through your divorce.  If you need a divorce attorney that understands what you are going through, call the divorce lawyers in St. Charles, MO at 6363-896-4020 for a free consultation appointment.

Helping Kids Cope

It is common and very natural for some kids to hold out hope that their parents will someday get back together, even after what a divorce is has been explained to them.

Missing the loss of a family is normal, but over time both you and your kids will come to accept the new situation. So reassure them that it’s OK to wish that mom and dad will reunite, but also explain the permanence of your decisions.

Here are some ways to help kids cope with the upset of a divorce:

• Encourage open and truthful conversations.  Children need to know that their feelings are important to both their parents and that they’ll be taken seriously.
• Help them put their feelings into words.  Kids’ behavior can often clue you in to their feelings of sadness or anger. Sometimes you or our ex-spouse maybe the “punching bag” for your child’s feelings, so be patient.  Be a good listener, even if it’s hard or hurtful for you to hear what they have to say.
• Legitimize their feelings.  Saying “I know you feel sad now” or “I know it feels lonely without mom here” lets kids know that their feelings are valid. It’s important to encourage kids to get it all out before you start offering ways to make it better.
• Offer support.  Let them know you are there for them.  Ask them what may help them get through what they are going through.  If they cannot verbalize their needs, offer suggestions.
• Get help. Do not be afraid to find a support group, and talk to others who have gone through this. Getting help yourself sets a good example for your kids on how to make a healthy adjustment to this major change. It’s very important not to lean on your kids for support. Older kids and those who are eager to please may try to make you feel better by offering a shoulder to cry on. No matter how tempting that is, it’s best not to let them be the provider of your emotional support.

Take the high road.  Try your best to not resort to blaming or name-calling within earshot of your kids, no matter what the circumstances of the separation. This is especially important  where there have been especially hurtful events, like infidelity. Take care to keep letters, e-mails, and text messages in a secure location as kids will be naturally curious if there is a high-conflict situation going on at home.  Do not post your grievances on social media.

The Importance of Consistency

Consistency and routine can go a long way toward providing comfort and familiarity that can help your family during this major life change. When possible, minimize unpredictable schedules, transitions, or abrupt separations.

Especially during a divorce, kids will benefit from one-on-one time with each parent. No matter how inconvenient, try to accommodate your ex-partner as you figure out visitation schedules.

Behavioral changes are important to watch out for — any new or changing signs of moodiness; sadness; anxiety; school problems; or difficulties with friends, appetite, and sleep can be signs of a problem.  Older kids and teens may be vulnerable to risky behaviors such as alcohol and drug use, skipping school, and defiant acts.

Fighting in Front of the Kids

Although the occasional argument between parents is expected in any family, living in a battleground of continual hostility and unresolved conflict can place a heavy burden on a child. Screaming, fighting, arguing, or violence can make kids feel worried and afraid.

Talking with a mediator or divorce counselor can help couples air their grievances and hurt to each other in a way that doesn’t harm their children. Though it may be difficult, working together in this way will spare kids the hurt caused by continued bitterness and anger.

In Part three we will discuss new living situations, and parenting under pressure.   If you have any questions or want one of our divorce attorneys to review your situation please call for a free consultation at 636-896-4020 today.

The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertising. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.

Is a Non-Contested Divorce Right for Me?

Most divorces fall into one of two categories:  Contested and Non-Contested.  A contested divorce is one in which the divorcing parties cannot agree on issues such as child support, custody of children, maintenance, distribution of debt, or division of property. In a contested divorce, the couple ultimately takes these issues to court to be resolved. This may draw out the divorce process and result in higher legal costs.   A contested divorce can take anywhere from six months up to two years.

An uncontested divorce means that both spouses are able to agree on these issues from the onset of the case without significant negotiations or court involvement. They generally move more swiftly through the system and are less expensive than contested divorces.   An uncontested divorce will still have some of the same requirements such as parent education classes, parenting plans, and other state required paperwork—but the turn around time can be much faster such as a 60 day time period.   We still recommend an attorney to work on your behalf to ensure your interests are being considered throughout the process and ensures the complicated paperwork is drafted properly.   Additionally, if an uncontested divorce turns contested (which does happen) you will want an attorney familiar with your situation to work on your behalf.

 

Uncontested Divorce Advantages: 

• Unlike a traditional divorce, the process is typically a mutually respectful, open-minded process that focuses on joint problem solving.

 

• Uncontested divorce avoids court. The goal (and key difference between a traditional divorce and an uncontested one) with an uncontested divorce is to reach an agreement without going to Court by developing an effective relationship with your ex-spouse that enables you to make joint decisions on your property and children (if applicable).

 

• While divorce ends a marriage, it also is the start of a new life for both parties. When both parties interact with each other respectfully and cooperatively, an uncontested divorce can help parents and children move forward, hopefully in a positive and supportive spirit.

 

• An uncontested divorce is often a much smoother process.  By pledging mutual respect and openness, the parties learn how to work with each other instead of against each other and the parties learn how to resolve their problems in the future without needing to litigate.

At Boehmer Law we offer a fixed price for a non-contested divorce if you think that may be the best option for your situation.  We offer a free consultation to come in and sit down with one of our St. Charles, MO divorce attorneys and discuss your needs.  Please call 636-896-4020 to schedule your free consultation today.

 

The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertising. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.

Honesty Is The Best Policy During Custody Proceedings

Throughout custody hearings, (especially highly contested hearings) it is imperative for you to keep in mind that your actions or in-actions are being noticed by the courts and all those involved in the custody hearing. Never assume that something you may have done in your past, (even if you think no one knows about) will not come out in court.  Most likely, during litigation, someone will find out about what you have concerns about and want to keep hidden.  However,the worst thing you can do is hide something like a previous domestic assault or child endangerment charge from your lawyer. No one likes to be surprised by things they did not know or have not prepared for in court, especially your attorney who is there to fight for you.

Parents involved in a heated custody battle want to look as good as possible to gain an advantage with the courts and no one wants to have to admit previous mistakes. However, the importance of being honest with the person who is working for you during litigation can be a major deciding factor in how your case is handled in court and may affect the outcome of your case.

We are all human and have made mistakes or poor choices from time to time, and most lawyers have seen and heard a lot; so do not be afraid or embarrassed to discuss any topics or concerns with your attorney. The more an attorney knows about you and your circumstances and what may “pop up “ at trial, the more effectively they can prepare and deliver the best possible legal representation for you and your custody negotiations. Your attorney needs to know all the facts so they can decide on the most effective way to deal with any issues before they arise in court during a cross examination. Knowing as much as possible can help your attorney to be as prepared as possible.

Presenting information for the court as to your ability and desire to be the best parent you can for your child(ren) is also very important. Tell your attorney all the things you do for your child(ren). Let them know if you coach your child or work in volunteer groups for him or her. Discuss the volunteer work you may do with your community. Keep record of your involvement with the school and your child’s day to day life. Keep track of your regular payments of any support you are making, or any bills you are paying on your child’s behalf. Keeping a log of your visitations (if you think they will come into question) is also a good idea.

If you need help with a current Family Law matter such as a custody issue or a modification to a current agreement, call Boehmer Law at 636-896-4020 to see how we may be able to help you. Your first consultation visit is free and we will sit down with you to discuss your case and how we think we can best serve you. For more information you can also check out our website at http://www.boehmerlaw.com

The importance of an attorney is an important one and should not be solely based on advertising.

Julia O’Connor Joins the Boehmer Law Family Law and Divorce Legal Team

Boehmer Law is pleased to announce the addition of Julia O’Connor to our Family and Divorce Law Legal Team.

A native of St. Charles, MO, Julia O’Connor graduated from St. Dominic High School. Julia then attended Truman State University, where she earned her BS degree in Justice Systems, with minors in Political Science and Psychology. While attending Truman, Julia was a member of a national Criminal Justice social fraternity. Julia earned her Juris Doctorate at Arizona Summit Law School in Phoenix, Arizona.

While in law school, she was one of the charter members of Delta Theta Phi – Mary Ann Richey Chapter. She was also a member of the Student Bar Association throughout her time in law school and headed up a number of various committees for the organization. Julia also earned a CALI award for excellence during law school.

Coming from a family with a heavy law enforcement background, Julia has always been a strong supporter for Backstoppers – an organization focused on assisting the families of first responders killed in the line of duty. She also volunteers for Youth in Need – Head Start. In May of this year, she was appointed as a member of the Board of Directors for Beautyful Waves – a non-profit organization which aims to partner with the community to assist young girls aging out of the foster care system and/or girls who do not have a consistent support system in their lives; and she will be heading up its forthcoming mentorship program.

Julia now resides in St. Charles, Missouri and is a member of the Missouri Bar, the Arizona Bar, and is a licensed Guardian Ad Litem.

Please contact Boehmer Law today if you would like to speak with Julia about any of your Family Law or Divorce needs.  Your consultation visit is free so please call 633-896-4020 to make your appointment or visit www.boehmerlaw.com for more information.

The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertisements.

Tips For Difficult Divorce and Custody Issues

Are you or a family member involved in a highly contested divorce or difficult custody battle and you need help? Are you being accused of negligence or not living up to your end of an agreement that you really are? Do you have a situation where someone is not living up to their part of an agreement and you are unsure of what to do next? At Boehmer Law, our attorneys have worked with these difficult situations. We have the knowledge and experience to see how these matters may impact your case. If you have any questions regarding a legal matter, please call Boehmer Law today to see how we can help you. Your first consultation visit is always free. We will listen to your circumstances and explain how we can help you with your case. Call Boehmer Law today.636-896-4020 or visit http://www.boehmerlaw.com for more information about our award winning and nationally recognized law firm.

Here are some tips that may help you in these situations.

• Get and keep receipts of every transaction, especially if you pay with cash.
  • If you pay your child support in cash, have the other party sign a receipt saying the date and amount of cash they received.
  • If you pay bills for agreed upon items such as child care, tuition or extra-curricular activities, ask for receipts that include the dates and amounts from the facility.
  • Keep note of any bills that you had to pay because the other party did not live up to their end of an agreement with notations on why they were supposed to pay according to your agreement and any documentation of reminders or requests for payment.
• Keep a calendar of events
  • Note any of the visitations that you made including times, locations and any other important information that may be a part of your agreement.
  • Note visitations that someone missed and the reasons why
  • Note if there are several requests for changes or exceptions to visitation schedules
  • Note if someone is continuously late for agreed upon drop-offs or pick-ups
  • Note if someone is involved or uninvolved in a child’s life.For example missing key events with no explanation.
  • Note if someone is making unannounced visits or coming by a home unannounced.
• Keep emails, notes, letters, texts or voicemails that may influence your case or be used as evidence to help your case.
• If you have an unfortunate incident that escalates to violence or harm for you or your child(ren), document any witnesses and obtain their names and contact information.

Please contact Boehmer Law today if you have any questions or would like to speak to us about your case.All your information is confidential and the first visit is free.Call 636-896-4020 to schedule your appointment and get us working for you.You can also visit our website at www.boehmerlaw.com for more information.

***The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertisements. Use of this site does not constitute an attorney-client relationship.